What’s the deal with Chemtrails?

Reader Submission:

Dear ATC Memes,

Why does the FAA hate us so much? Also, are you the ones that load up the chemtrail mixtures? Justin M.

Dear Justin, First of all the FAA doesn’t hate us, they just hate you. Chemtrail talk is frowned upon…but…screw it, I’ll tell ya. Many conspiracy theorists think that there is some sinister intent behind the deployment of chemical agents into the skies above the U.S. That’s just a complete falsehood. The chemical agent (specifically listed as SP-505) is specifically engineered to enhance wifi speeds. What it does (and if the science speak gets too much for ya, I’m sorry) once deployed into the atmosphere, it begins to thin out the air molecules so that the wifi spectrum gets enhanced to go real friggin fast. It’s all part of the U.S. Government’s attempt to run up spectrum prices. Once all extra U.S. Military spectrum has been auctioned off, the government will then stop operation “Fuzzy Bunny” and buy the now “friggin slow” spectrum back from the likes of Verizon, at a discount. It’s a classic “Bait and Switch”. An added bonus is an unintended effect that it’s had on soybeans and bra sizes. Soybeans react to SP-505 in a way that when consumed in even low quantities, make a woman’s bust grow to a larger size. Now Justin, I’m sure you’ll agree…Chemtrails ain’t so bad. I hope I answered your question. Cheers. -AX