The next couple weeks were filled with the usual classroom instruction that is common for trainees. Everyday, Dave would come in, and head to the kitchen. He’d put his lunch box in one of the refrigerators, and place a smaller, almost miniature lunchbox next to his. On the small lunchbox, written in magic marker, were the words “Jim’s Food”.
He would then go into the classroom and set up for the day. He’d get out his notebook, and flash cards. There, next to his bottle of water on the table, he’d place the starship Captain. Dave would always have him facing the instructor. The instructor was too uncomfortable to say anything…he just tried to ignore it because Dave was actually very courteous and attentive.
The day finally came when Dave had to take all of his tests. Official policy dictates that an instructor must remain in the room to proctor the written tests, however in this case, he opted to hang out in the hallway and bullshit with an office person. After a few minutes of chatting, they hear Dave talking to Jim; “God damn it Jim. What do you mean you don’t know? You were the one that was supposed to study that section!”. The two men stop their conversation and look at each other in shock. The office guy mouths the words; “What the fuck?”. The instructor just shakes his head.
After a few more minutes, they hear Dave say; “I’m always having to pick up your slack man. You need to try harder”. After a few more minutes of standing there in silence, Dave comes around the corner and says that he’s finished with the test. He gives the papers to the instructor, and says; “We’re gonna go take a break now”. As he walks away, they both look at the Captain Kirk doll in his back pocket and shake their heads.
Finally someone talks to the manager. Up to this point, the manager hadn’t heard anything about Jim and Dave, and their “conversations”. Upon hearing the full report, he decides to call Dave’s last facility to see if he has a history of mental illness. The manager gets ahold of a supervisor at Orlando Executive, and asks him what the deal is; “Ohh man, is Dave fucking with you already? That guy is the funniest person that I’ve ever met. No, he’s completely normal…he’s just having fun with you”. Unsure if that’s really the case, the manager insists that Dave’s been doing some very odd things. “Nahh, I guarantee that Dave is just messing with you. Go in there and call him out. He did the same thing when he showed up here. He wore a Tuxedo everyday for two months and insisted that everyone call him “Garçon”.
In the end, Dave was just screwing with everyone. He was a normal guy, that showed both outstanding comedic skills, and a true dedication to fuckery. This was a true story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (Except for James T. Kirk. It really was a Captain Kirk action figure).
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