(WASHINGTON D.C.) – Calling it ‘a truly monumental and awe-inspiring moment’, President Donald Trump addressed a large field of congress members and the media on Wednesday to address media reports that the United States Air Force had drawn a sky penis, similar to the one the Navy had drawn a few years earlier.
While the US Air Force claimed that the penis was an accident, the commander in chief had another opinion.
“You look around, and you see, you see things today…” he said, before the crowd erupted into manic cheering, as if some backing-track of canned applause was not properly synced to the timing of the speech.
“But you know what? Our wonderful, wonderful men and women in uniform can’t even do what they’ve been trained to do!” He once again asserted, as the crowd once again, went wild.
“Have you seen this in the news? The air force sky penis? And they said, ‘oh no, it’s fake’. Fake news! It wasn’t a mistake! It was entirely the planning of our great men and women aviators. The US Air Force sky penis was not only intentional, but it shows the true ability of our brave men and women!”
The US Air Force sky penis was not only intentional, but it shows the true ability of our brave men and women!
While the Navy kept to a sleeker, more slender shaft, the US Air Force appeared to have a bit more girth.
“Personally, I think the air force is trying to one-up the Navy!” Trump said, as the crowd went wild. “Have you seen the width on that thing?”
As the crowd continued to go wild, a small squadron of F-22s prop-driver trainer aircraft began to assemble a sky penis above the ecstatic audience, though the winds aloft and poor visibility limited their presentation.
“I want you to know, that as the President of The United States, I think we have the finest pilots in the world. The Navy? Have you seen that sky penis? It was HUGE! And that recording? Oh, I heard it. You should really hear it. Perfect. These are true Americans.” (Trump was referring to this audio, released a few days ago)
While it has been confirmed that the Navy and Air Force deliberately drew the massive sky penises, it has been speculated that the Marines are also trying to come up with something. While not confirmed, it has been speculated that it is known as ‘Operation Viagra’.
We will continue to update this as we receive more hard and fast facts come out on this incident.