(CHICAGO, ILLINOIS) – With Chicago approaching historic low temperatures and wind chill readings this morning, many citizens have started to feel the effects of the infamous polar vortex. Many businesses and schools are closed for at least the next few days, and even critical services such as mail have been suspended. However, there is also another industry being affected by the historic cold, and many don’t even have to visit the chilly town below to feel it’s effects: aviation.
“Yeah, this is bad. I had endless deviations for what pilots are calling ‘frozen blocks of ice’,” said Mick Roscoe, air traffic controller at the Chicago radar center.
On Thursday morning, United Airlines issued an alert to travelers to check their flight info prior to arriving at the airport due to ‘unforeseen, massive ice blockages in the sky’.
“I’ll be honest, your chance of smashing into an air iceberg is probably even better than being dragged from your seat. Well, ok, maybe not. But it’s up there,” said one HR rep.
“I had a totally clear radar. Truly one of the cleanest scopes I’ve ever seen. Then I saw it; it was like an iceberg in the sky. I requested 128 miles left of course to clear the obstacle,” said one American Airlines pilot. “ATC denied my request though. He just said, ‘you American Airlines guys always deviate for no reason’. I declared an emergency and turned anyway.”
At least one aircraft had already been stuck in the ice.
“I had a Cessna guy declare an emergency and said he was quite literally ‘stuck in an iceberg in the sky’. His ground speed on my radar was 0 knots, but to be honest, that’s pretty normal for Cessnas. So I had no fucking clue what to do, and just sort of ignored it and went back to talking about my fucked up back-pay check.”
This is a developing story.