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Port Authority Permanently Converts NYC’s JFK Airport to Drone Park

JFK airport drone park
JFK airport will become a drone park today.

(JAMAICA, QUEENS, NY) – As the roar of massive, international passenger jets combined with the obnoxious buzzing of tiny, quadcopter hobbyist drones, thousands of passengers entering John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens seemed to continue on as if it were any other day.

Despite an exhaustive campaign to make the public aware, most passengers seemed totally oblivious that at 1pm, the entire airport would be permanently closed in order to create space for the world’s largest outdoor drone park.

“Yeah, look, I have no idea what that is, but it sounds pretty cool,” said Marvin Stark, who was preparing to board a flight to St. Lucia with his family.

“I have a Phantom 4 drone, myself. You know, I often like to fly it right off Long Beach. I get great shots of the arriving aircraft to Kennedy. My brother has one too, and we often compete to see who can get the biggest plane to turn out of the way! Just fantastic!”

For many years, the Port Authority and the Federal Aviation Administration have been struggling to get the public to understand that small unmanned aerial vehicles, or drones, should never be flown next to, near, or over any airport. Still, it continues to happen on a regular basis.

A United Airlines A380 is chased by a Phantom 2 quad-copter on takeoff.

“I really wanted to get a photo of the A380 from above. I looked on Google Images, but they all sucked, and eventually I just decided it was worth it to go to my local Target and buy a Mavic Pro 2,” said David McFadden, who was sporting an iPad Pro, a Bose A20 aviation headset, and wearing a black and gold, Versace-inspired t-shirt that simply said ‘DRONE PILOT’.

“Now I can take my own pictures of any airplane I want. All I have to do is fly this drone over them when they’re at the gate. Or even better, when they’re in flight.”

“Now I can take my own pictures of any airplane I want. All I have to do is fly this drone over them when they’re at the gate. Or even better, when they’re in flight.”

Stories like these are becoming increasingly common, and there has been an increasing concern that there could be a collision with a drone and a commercial airliner. Just last week, three men were arrested when they were suspected of playing a game of “drone chicken” with arriving air traffic to runway 4L. When our news team searched Urban Dictionary for “drone chicken”, all they got were references to threesomes.

With all of this chaos involving the small, relatively inexpensive drones, The Port Authority of New York & New Jersey made the unanimous decision last night to immediately suspend all commercial service at JFK airport and convert it into a family and pet friendly drone park. Their theory is that it will give the drone operators a place to fly their aircraft, all while preventing collisions between them and some of the largest airliners in the world.

“Really, I have listened to the public’s concern, and my colleagues as well as constituents agree, this is really the best option,” said a member of the board, as he looked towards the sky, with a small, DJI controller in his hand. “Damn man, these stabilization algorithms are just insane.”

“We are really optimistic about this,” said Dorian Mavern, a spokesperson for the Port Authority. “Plus, nearly all of JFK’s traffic can be handled at LaGuardia. We are currently looking into ways to outfit wide-body jets with afterburners and rockets known as JATOs, so we can better utilize the runway space at our nearby LaGuardia.”

Mavern also proposed that the rockets could be powered from the tons of garage that can be seen floating in the nearby Flushing Bay.

If you are flying out of JFK airport after 1pm local time, it is highly recommended that you check with your airline prior to arriving at the terminal.

For those interested in flying their drones at the new New York City Drone Park, all you need is a quadcopter drone capable of remote operation, and payment of a small park fee, comparable to other New York City attractions, at $499.95 per day.


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Written by ATC Memes

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