ATC Memes
Ever since September 11, 2001 we’ve had our awareness shifted to increased security in the aviation industry. Nowhere is that more obvious than the TSA screenings at the airport. I’m gonna sound like an old man now, but it used to be that you could go right up to the gate…without a ticket. Dropping your wife at the airport now is a heck of a lot easier. Now you don’t have to go sit with her until her flight departs…and you better stay there until she gets airborne…or you’ll hear it later when she gets to her mom’s. Anyways, where the heck was I going with this. Ohh yeah, Guns in the cockpit. Increased security is good and all, but what happens when you need to put someone down? We asked some of our buddies that are pilots if they had to defend the flight deck, what would be their pistol of choice.
For this fantasy we’ll assume it’s a domestic U.S. flight (that way we don’t offend some European anti-gun sympathizer). Also, we’ll assume that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a compact piece to satisfy some concealed carry requirement (I mean come on, we don’t need to hide the fact that the crew is armed…right?). With that in mind, here are their answers:
Captain Bumpy Landing-My choice would be a 1911. Specifically a “Kimber Warrior”. I love this gun. Kimber is like the Cadillac of handguns. They are pricey, but hey, I fly for the majors, I have a boat, two houses, and a nice gun collection. It has multiple safeties, and a sleek look. I like the fact that it’s a .45 caliber. Lets face it, if the terrorist has taken a hostage and has a knife to their throat, and I have no clean headshot…I’m shooting the hostage. The penetration I’ll get with the .45 will no doubt go through the hostage, and incapacitate the terrorist. Game over terrorist, game over.
“Captain Pilot Face”-I served my country faithfully for five years in the United States Marine Corps. In those five years I got quite intimate with the M16 and the M9. Since it’s not practical to take an AR-15 onboard with me, I’d go with the M9. Obviosuly I’d have to go with the civilian version, which is the Beretta 92FS. I chose the silver colored stainless steel version (the Inox), because I want to look like a 1980’s action movie villain. With 15 in the mag and one in the hole, I can lay down plenty of suppressive fire until my fireteam of flight attendants can locate and close with the enemy. Fire and maneuver man, fire and maneuver.
Captain Cap-You see both these kids have it all wrong. What happens when that thing jams on you? Me…I’m old school. I’d go with a Python made by Colt. Rick Grimes uses one in “The Walking Dead”. I can picture it now, the terrorist all tough and confident. Then I pull out “Gracie” (thats what I call mine) and the mere sight of her, makes the terrorist rethink their whole ideology. You see, I don’t WANT to fire my gun in defense of my plane, but the mere presence of a gun that sweet, will make the terrorist respect my resolve. Fly softly and carry a big gun…that’s my motto.
There you have it. The experts have weighed in. Sure, there is no right answer, as this question is very opinion based. You may have big hands and prefer the interchangeable grips that H&K is famous for. Another pilot may love Glocks for their style (too boxy and plain for my tastes). There are a lot of Sig lovers in the world. I ask all of you out there; “Which gun is best?”.
Dilly Dilly Y’all.
***Disclaimer***This is satire and is in no way serious.
