Story by: James Wandhand
The ability to think quickly, and remain calm under pressure, while maintaining a situational awareness, are all unique qualities that air traffic controllers possess. One controller stood head and shoulders above all others this year. We are both humbled and proud to announce that Kim Jong-Un of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is the 2016 FAA Safety Medal of Honor winner. Supreme leader Un, regularly demonstrated the outside the box thinking that all master controllers possess. On many occasions the Supreme leader would go out to render assistance to downed aircraft. His innate ability to locate an E.L.T. with only his basic hearing, resulted in no less than twenty crashed aircraft to be found. On one occasion at Chicago O’hare (ORD), while working ground control, the Supreme Leader ran out onto the parking apron to extinguish a raging engine fire. “If not for him taking command, all 127 souls on board would have surely perished”, said Airport Fire Chief Art Acevedo. In a move not seen since Major League Baseball decided to retire Jackie Robinson’s number league wide; every FAA ATC facility is officially retiring the Supreme Leader’s operating initials.
“From now on, no other controller shall use the initials Kilo Juliet. It’s the least we can do for all the amazing work Mr. Jong-un has done for the NAS”, said FAA spokesperson Dan Daley. Local facility representative Eddie Adams of New York TRACON had this to say; “He is the greatest Air Traffic Controller that I’ve ever met. Our staffing got much better once Kimmy came on board. Right after he plugs in, we just configure the entire Newark area to his scope, then we all head for the break room. He’s a cocky son of a bitch though. He screws with the Islip guys all the time. He calls them all level 7 controllers. It’s great”. In honor of the Supreme Leader’s epic controlling ability, the selection panel has decided to not only award Mr. Jong-un the “President’s Award”, but also every regional award as well. “It just doesn’t make any sense to recognize anyone else. A guy like Kim Jong-Un doesn’t need some hack on stage with him. He deserves all the glory”, said the chairman of the selection panel, Jack Horner. The awards ceremony will be held February 30th, in Las Vegas, at the Bally’s hotel and casino.