Donald Trump Questions FAA, EPA on ‘Chemtrails’

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK – As reporters furiously typed on laptops and scribbled on paper, Donald Trump offered more words of promises for what he would accomplish in his first few weeks of taking the White House. While it has been well understood and documented that Trump would try to overturn decisions such as Roe v. Wade, Obamacare, and many environmental regulations, few could have have predicted what he admitted in the lobby of Trump Tower on Thursday.

“Look folks, I have to be honest with you, these environmental regulations, they are all just put in place to prevent the United States from being competitive. We are blocked into a corner from countries like China,” Trump stated, not surprising many people. It was what came next that induced gasps of surprise and uncertainty across the crowded, gold-and-marble-gilded foyer, overly garnished with Christmas decorations, over-sized and stylized Trump memorabilia, and glistening lights that looked like they had been taken from a utility closet in the basement of the Moonlight BunnyRanch.

“While I am not a fan of most of these tree-huggers and their crazy regulations, I do support the spray initiative that has been taking place,” Trump told the huge swarm of reporters and camera-crews surround him. Camera shutters were heard across the lobby.

At this point, an unknown man wearing an in-ear-receiver, possibly an advisor to the Trump PR team, immediate took Trump by the shoulder, pulling him close, and whispered into his ear. What he said to the President Elect is still not known.

Trump looked at the floor for a moment, then suddenly looked at the ceiling. He then pointed to it (though this is debatable; supposedly his hands were difficult to see from such a distance), and with this hand still to the ceiling, he looked at the reporters.

“Folks, up there. That is what I support. These airlines are doing a very great deed. You know, I have lot of friends in airlines. They are great people, great people. Some of the best,” he continued.

“The spraying of chemicals to assist us in creating clouds and replacing carbon emotions with clean, fresh air; now this is big, folks. This is unbelievable. Incredible science. It’s working too. Great results!”

The reporters than immediately began screaming for questions to be answered, but Donald Trump appeared to turn them down, at least for the time being.

“Look, there is great energy in this room. You all are fantastic. But, I have much more on this topic to mention in the coming interviews. For now, all I will say is that the chemtrail initiative is real, folks. It’s real, and it’s big. It’s one of the biggest environmental safety nets we have. And, folks, believe me,” Trump continued, gradually raising his voice, as more camera shutter clicks were heard.

“We will make America safe again, we will make America strong again, we will make America great again, and we will make America spray again! Thank you!”

We will have more details on this story as they are available.