ATC Rapid Fire

Hey there Internet. We’ve gotten so many reader questions that many begin to overlap. We’ve decided to answer some of the easier to explain ones in a little rapid fire section. So here goes:

Why do you guys call some airlines “heavy”, and others you don’t? -Dan from Poughkeepskie

Well Dan, some airlines are fatter than others, so It’s just ATC’s way of fat shaming the real obese ones.

I love you guys so much. I’d love to cook for you sometime. What’s your favorite food? -Cathy from Denton

Thanks Cathy. Since I’m a former Marine, I’m content with the blood of my enemies. LO is a sucker for Shepherd’s Pie. AC went on a trip to Europe last year and won’t stop calling french fries “Pomme Frites”, so fuck him.

How do you ATC’ers communicate with aircrafts in the air? On the ground, you use wands, can they see you up high as well, or do you use lasers or something? -Drew E-knock

Pause the comedy…DO NOT point a laser at an aircraft. You can seriously injure the aircrew. You will have serious legal trouble if you are caught. Pilots are people too and don’t need anyone blinding them with a friggin laser beam. Resume comedy…in the air we use tin cans connected by string.

I bet you guys have seen some wild and potentially scary stuff. Whats the most disturbing thing that you guys have ever seen?
-Chris from Ocala.

Two girls, one cup.

They say that Florida is the penis of the United States. If the airport were a body, what part would the control tower be? 🙂

Easy…a skin tag.

How did you guys get to be so funny? Are all ATC’ers witty and sarcastic like you guys? -Tina from New Orleans.

The three of us are emotional cripples, with both mommy and daddy issues. Not all ATC’ers are witty, but sarcasm is a requisite for employment.

When President Reagan fired the 11,000+ ATCs in 1981, how did flight operations continue? Does this indicate that ATCs are really not necessary?
-Willie Hinn

Willie…choke yourself.

These were some really great questions (except Willie’s). Keep em coming, and keep reading. AC Is going to Las Vegas this week (flying out December 6th), wish him luck. He’s a degenerate gambler, and needs all the positive energy he can get. Cheers.

-AX