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Delta Airlines to overhaul entire fleet in 2017

Story By: James Wandhand

Delta Airlines (NYSE:DAL) said this morning in a press release, that the company will in 2017, begin replacing the airframes of their entire fleet with industry standard aviation aluminum. Currently all Delta Airlines aircraft are almost entirely made of a high density, heat treated sucrose composite. Airline spokesman Clarence Oveur elaborates: “The current airframe is a pretty sweet ride however it has it’s limitations. For example, the entire fleet must avoid precipitation at all costs. I mean, the things are basically made of sugar. Go ahead and put a bowl of sugar out in the rain and see how long it lasts. Now imagine an A320-200 flying into a nimbostratus. I don’t have to tell you how bad that would be. Do I?” Former Delta Airlines Captain Theodore Striker III, was contacted for comment. “I’ve been saying it for 17 years…these planes are dangerous. Aside from the obvious danger that moisture plays, the aircrew has to avoid any turbulence of any degree. So much as twenty seconds of even light chop would shake the whole fuselage into dust”. When asked why he left the airline so abruptly back in 2007, Mr. Striker replied: “I just couldn’t take it anymore. The stress got to me. A pilot can only go up in those flying candy canes so many times before they ask themselves if it’s worth it for $350,000 per year. Plus I just couldn’t handle the ridicule from the Air Traffic Controllers. Every time I reported light chop, their reply was that Southwest went through it with no complaints. In the end I just lost my cool, and turned in my wings. I’m happy though. I got a job for the local school district driving a bus, which is practically the same thing. I’m Happy.” Delta Airlines said the airframe replacements should be complete by mid 2025.